May be dim, but it's there.

        Today February 6th, 2022. Man today and the past couple of days I’ve spent have been so long. I’ve been working non-stop. It’s like I can’t make enough at times. I’ve been stressing like no tomorrow. I need to just give away. Take the chip off of my shoulder. If I can’t do it. Then I wouldn’t still be here. I am here though. There’s got to be something more. I just have to keep my head up. No more stressing. 

Besides that Miller's has been great. I work there in the mornings and then I go to Tanja's to work until I need to go back to Miller's. I am tired but we still have to keep going when we are tired and defeated. Keep going. Just know there’s a light, even if we can’t see it, at the end of the tunnel. The reward will be far greater. I’m keeping my eye on the prize. 

     It’s the fourth of February, 2022. Right now I’m currently sitting in the Wendy’s drive thru. I’m feeling a burger. I’ve kinda been down today. I don’t know what’s going on. What do you do when you’re feeling down? 

The after shock.

     It’s Thursday, February 3rd, 2022. I'd say it’s been a productive day. I had a really nice birthday the other day too. Saw all of my friends. Went out for dinner. Had a couple of drinks. I’m sure y’all saw my new pipe for my green. I was super stoked about it. It’s already dirty as hell. Not gonna lie. All in all, though it’s been pretty chill. 

Speaking of today though, it was very productive. I’ve been needing to clean my room again and do my clothes. I spilled sweet tea on my bed last night so you can imagine how I felt and how angry I was. So now I really had to wash it! Oh well. I worked this morning at Miller's Ale House and before that, I was looking at new building structures for a new house hopefully soon. I know you used to make fun of me for my tiny car and my dream for a tiny house but I guess it’s becoming a reality soon I’m so excited! Besides that, I’ve been drawing a little more. I have gotten another job again. On top of everything else I’ve been doing. Haha it’s okay though. One thing at a time. It’s gonna come together. Be patient. The longer the wait the better the reward. I gotta keep telling myself that. 

My Birthday is almost here!

 Today is January 31st, 2022. A day before my birthday. What to do on such a day?

    Well I’ll tell you what I did! I went to see my Ruby in the morning time. I got to give her a new desk. I hope she really likes it. I loved it personally. Then I went home and napped for a couple of hours to recharge for the day. Nothing wrong with that. Then I started getting ready and I packed my bags to go see Tanja! She’s been helping me idealize and bring my goals to life. It’s amazing. We all need help. I’m going to start growing my own plants soon too. For my rabbits and I! They are going to love it! Besides the point! We went out for lunch. She actually got me to try sushi again after I don’t know how many years?! We went shopping. Watched some shows. We had fun. Then I went out to dinner with Marie and her boo, as well as my own. We had so much fun. So much laughter for one day. I got presents which wasn’t expected at all. I just wanted to hangout and spend time with my loved ones. I wanted everyone to smile. 

Learning and more learning for all of us !

 Today is January 28th, 2022. It’s an easy morning. I slept very nice. Yesterday I had a very busy day. I woke up, packed a couple of bags, and was on the road basically. Gave my babies more food, water, and kisses before I departed. I miss them so much sometimes. I feel as if I haven’t been giving them enough attention. I know Puddin understands, Whinnie on the other hand though is another story. I do happen to work a lot. 

On the bright side, it’s been a couple of good days, also learning more with Tanja on everything. She helps me with gardening, photography, editing, fashion, and even different languages. She’s been teaching me more about the different essentials. It’s been fun.

Let's be productive!

 January 26th, 2022

I am so excited for today honestly, could be the nerves but hopefully not! I get to work a night shift tonight and I hope I stay awake for all of it! I got some cupcakes for myself. I had been missing me some cake. Not gonna lie. Hehe. I have been trying to do mini workouts in my room. I need a reward! Okay, besides the point. I have been working hard though. On everything around me. Everything’s got to start becoming more positive by the day. I am going to work on a couple of projects before I go into work today. Some art, some maybe food. Who knows. 

Relaxing time.

 January 22nd, 2022

    Man, I had to work at Miller’s this morning and boy was I tired. I made it through the day though. It was very long. Did I tell you how tired I was? I honestly just did my job and went home, essentially. I wasn’t really giddy, and running around. I was just dead. One of my coworkers even said something about it. Oh okay, thanks. The day went by smooth though. I got to go home and relax.

I DID do the clothes!!

    Today is January 21st, 2021. Yesterday was so busy, I DID do my clothes, I got a lot of my things done. I finished packing everything for my shoot for last night and this morning. So, with that being said I never had time to write to you! It was very stressful but I got it completed! I told you I would keep you updated to see if I finished! Haha, I thought I was just going to lie down and wallow in sadness!! I didn’t though! I am proud of myself honestly. I figured I was going to make an excuse not to get it done! If it weren’t for you, I probably would have laid in bed until I had to leave.

The shoot was amazing. It’s probably my favorite yet! Tanja and I worked really hard. For two days. You better like it! LOL just kidding! Maybe. If you don't, I like it enough for all of us. I had so much fun too! I hope some of the ones with bubbles came out. I think the next ones going to be interesting. I’ll keep you posted. I didn’t get to bed until like four in the morning first and the night after hahah! I’ve been staying positive. Only one breakdown. We all have our days.

I've been sick, stay safe!

 January 19th, 2022

I finally got an off day! I had just started back to work since I got sick with covid. I was out for almost three weeks. That's just nuts. I was stuck at home. I couldn’t go back until I got another covid test or CDC says I can come back after I was quarantined for two weeks at least, with no symptoms. I had gotten the worst headaches. It just wouldn’t leave. I would have blogged, but the screens hurt my head so bad. Sounds. Everything. I just hurt. My photographer told me to take plenty of vitamins, put some essential oils in a diffuser and breathe it all in. Scrub my body hard to exfoliate the skin so it's easier to pass through its membrane. Eat and drink like you normally would. DO NOT skip meals. Pretty simple if you got the energy to do it right?

On the bright side, I am no longer sick and I get to relax. Today, I sorted through my car, because let's be real, hahaha there’s so many clothes and shoes from work. It’s ridiculous. I need to get an idea of what all I have for this shoot Friday. My car is probably tired of how much shit I put into it. I love her though. I’ve sorted through some of my clothes and put them away. I’ve learned the clothes don’t do themselves, and I am back to the dishes. Oh, what a beautiful and productive day will be. LMFAOLOL. I am going to finish and get it together. Tomorrow… Yea, I’ll keep you posted.

Taking a load off.

    Today is December 28th and I paid for my ticket yesterday I believe. I feel super proud for getting it out of the way. Takes some chips off of my shoulders. I started paying on my roommate's truck. Things are starting to turn out. Little by little. I’m hoping to start saving for an apartment soon! This truck won’t take long. Then after the apartment, I’m going to try to fix up the little dings on my own truck. Until then I’ll just keep going. It’s been really hard for me mentally. I feel as if I checked out a couple weeks ago but somehow things are getting a little better. I have my moments throughout the day but who doesn’t? I think that’s good considering I am not on medication but if that works for you! Then by all means. It’s not lifelong so there’s nothing to hurt. My mother when she starts getting depressed she gets on medication and then when she’s feeling better or has got through whatever she was battling she would get off of it. 

    We all need some kind of help at times. Don’t ever be afraid to help yourself! Shit, I’ve even started doing little mini-workouts at home to help sometimes. I’ve gotten back into arts and crafts here and there. I paint with my bestie when she’s over. I have a resin kit I’ve been wanting to play with but I haven’t had the time or room to get it done. Oh well. One thing at a time. 

Ugh holiday cheer.

 December 22nd, 2021 

    It’s almost Christmas and it doesn’t even feel like it’s here. We got three more days to go. I’ve been working a bunch so thats been pretty good. I love it at Millers. The customers are pretty sweet too! I’ve gotten a couple of reviews already. My managers are proud! I feel that’s all that matters. They asked if I knew anyone who needs a job. I feel like that’s a really good look. Plus that’s all I can do to distract myself lately. I figured it’s the best way. I started some Christmas shopping last night. Not that much did get accomplished but it’s a start. Just one day at a time. I did actually get today off so I'm just relaxing for the day. There are way too many people out and about right now anyway. I personally don’t want to deal with that. I went to Walmart this morning and that was more than crazy. Just to get some lady products. 

The optimist.

 December 19th, 2021

    Today has been a mess. I have been exhausted. I’ve only laid in bed all day and smoked. That’s it. I haven’t eaten anything so a protein shake it is. For the past couple of days, I have been in some funk I guess you could say. I’m going to come out of it soon I hope. I’ve been working with a new photographer and she’s the best. I couldn’t be happier I met her. She grows foliage everywhere in her yard and she loves it. I was thinking maybe having a small one wouldn't be so bad. The way she talked about them and cared for them, it was so kind. I wish more people in the world thought like us.

    The different things you can create with flowers. Man, you could even let them die and they still are pretty and worth money. That's beyond me. At least it's real. I think that's super cool. It's like way back in the day when they used to make skins with deer, rabbits, squirrels, and snakes. Anything! It may just be me but I like creating, making something out of other things.