I DID do the clothes!!

    Today is January 21st, 2021. Yesterday was so busy, I DID do my clothes, I got a lot of my things done. I finished packing everything for my shoot for last night and this morning. So, with that being said I never had time to write to you! It was very stressful but I got it completed! I told you I would keep you updated to see if I finished! Haha, I thought I was just going to lie down and wallow in sadness!! I didn’t though! I am proud of myself honestly. I figured I was going to make an excuse not to get it done! If it weren’t for you, I probably would have laid in bed until I had to leave.

The shoot was amazing. It’s probably my favorite yet! Tanja and I worked really hard. For two days. You better like it! LOL just kidding! Maybe. If you don't, I like it enough for all of us. I had so much fun too! I hope some of the ones with bubbles came out. I think the next ones going to be interesting. I’ll keep you posted. I didn’t get to bed until like four in the morning first and the night after hahah! I’ve been staying positive. Only one breakdown. We all have our days.

I've been sick, stay safe!

 January 19th, 2022

I finally got an off day! I had just started back to work since I got sick with covid. I was out for almost three weeks. That's just nuts. I was stuck at home. I couldn’t go back until I got another covid test or CDC says I can come back after I was quarantined for two weeks at least, with no symptoms. I had gotten the worst headaches. It just wouldn’t leave. I would have blogged, but the screens hurt my head so bad. Sounds. Everything. I just hurt. My photographer told me to take plenty of vitamins, put some essential oils in a diffuser and breathe it all in. Scrub my body hard to exfoliate the skin so it's easier to pass through its membrane. Eat and drink like you normally would. DO NOT skip meals. Pretty simple if you got the energy to do it right?

On the bright side, I am no longer sick and I get to relax. Today, I sorted through my car, because let's be real, hahaha there’s so many clothes and shoes from work. It’s ridiculous. I need to get an idea of what all I have for this shoot Friday. My car is probably tired of how much shit I put into it. I love her though. I’ve sorted through some of my clothes and put them away. I’ve learned the clothes don’t do themselves, and I am back to the dishes. Oh, what a beautiful and productive day will be. LMFAOLOL. I am going to finish and get it together. Tomorrow… Yea, I’ll keep you posted.

Taking a load off.

    Today is December 28th and I paid for my ticket yesterday I believe. I feel super proud for getting it out of the way. Takes some chips off of my shoulders. I started paying on my roommate's truck. Things are starting to turn out. Little by little. I’m hoping to start saving for an apartment soon! This truck won’t take long. Then after the apartment, I’m going to try to fix up the little dings on my own truck. Until then I’ll just keep going. It’s been really hard for me mentally. I feel as if I checked out a couple weeks ago but somehow things are getting a little better. I have my moments throughout the day but who doesn’t? I think that’s good considering I am not on medication but if that works for you! Then by all means. It’s not lifelong so there’s nothing to hurt. My mother when she starts getting depressed she gets on medication and then when she’s feeling better or has got through whatever she was battling she would get off of it. 

    We all need some kind of help at times. Don’t ever be afraid to help yourself! Shit, I’ve even started doing little mini-workouts at home to help sometimes. I’ve gotten back into arts and crafts here and there. I paint with my bestie when she’s over. I have a resin kit I’ve been wanting to play with but I haven’t had the time or room to get it done. Oh well. One thing at a time. 

Ugh holiday cheer.

 December 22nd, 2021 

    It’s almost Christmas and it doesn’t even feel like it’s here. We got three more days to go. I’ve been working a bunch so thats been pretty good. I love it at Millers. The customers are pretty sweet too! I’ve gotten a couple of reviews already. My managers are proud! I feel that’s all that matters. They asked if I knew anyone who needs a job. I feel like that’s a really good look. Plus that’s all I can do to distract myself lately. I figured it’s the best way. I started some Christmas shopping last night. Not that much did get accomplished but it’s a start. Just one day at a time. I did actually get today off so I'm just relaxing for the day. There are way too many people out and about right now anyway. I personally don’t want to deal with that. I went to Walmart this morning and that was more than crazy. Just to get some lady products. 

The optimist.

 December 19th, 2021

    Today has been a mess. I have been exhausted. I’ve only laid in bed all day and smoked. That’s it. I haven’t eaten anything so a protein shake it is. For the past couple of days, I have been in some funk I guess you could say. I’m going to come out of it soon I hope. I’ve been working with a new photographer and she’s the best. I couldn’t be happier I met her. She grows foliage everywhere in her yard and she loves it. I was thinking maybe having a small one wouldn't be so bad. The way she talked about them and cared for them, it was so kind. I wish more people in the world thought like us.

    The different things you can create with flowers. Man, you could even let them die and they still are pretty and worth money. That's beyond me. At least it's real. I think that's super cool. It's like way back in the day when they used to make skins with deer, rabbits, squirrels, and snakes. Anything! It may just be me but I like creating, making something out of other things.

New greetings!

 December 15th, 2021

    Today has been one for the girls. It has been relaxing. I got to sleep in. I got to smoke. I got to get my nails done and my best friend helped me clean my cage last night so that was super helpful. I didn’t have to do it today! :) Made my day a million times better. I ended up getting my clothes washed. Something that’s been needing to be done.  I haven’t gotten them put up or anything though. That’s one big thing I really need to do. Cleaning my room has made me happier. 

    My shoot is tomorrow as well so with my nails I tried to get something that would kind of match hopefully hahah! If not, she said she’d edit them! :) I’m so excited to go! I get to meet someone serious about the profession too. She’s going to help me do my hair and makeup which is amazing and she has all kinds of props! She’s already working on my portfolio. I love it already. I love the fact I have someone who loves my ideas and wants to help promote it too. I low key think I want to start creating more. Way more. This is going to be epic.

EEEEEEEKKKK!

     Man today has been a rush! How exciting! Yesterday was a blessing too! I started serving and man I love it there. It’s so simple. It’s a breeze. I feel like I float around there. It’s December 11th, 2021 and I’m starting to be happier. I can feel the change. I see it. I know good things are coming. 

It's electric!

 December 9th, 2021

Good headbanging morning! I’m feeling electric today. I don’t work until later. I get to smoke to relax all day and then end my night at work. Dominos didn’t murder my mind last night. It was kind of nice. I had my favorite closers. I got to work a couple of hours with my best friend. It was easy. We had everything was done rather early we were just waiting on the clock. I got to play EDM later that night and it boosted not only my mood, but my coworkers, and my customers. They would come in bobbing their heads slightly smiling. It was so nice. The vibes were awesome. I love bringing everyone together. On that note though, I’m trying to get a massive group for EDC 2022. I know a couple of people who might be going and are. I’m just unsure if they have their own groups. It is what it is. I know I had a couple of coworkers go to earth day's birthday and I didn’t even get to see them there and I don’t even think it is as massive as Electric Daisy Carnival. I would have seen the girls all done up! Mine and I were all dressed up. Haha! It was fun. 

I know I’m feeling a little better thinking about better things coming. I am low-key excited for Christmas. Usually not me. I am going to spoil this year though. I’m going to try my best and if anything I’ll make something. I feel it means more anyways and if it’s interactive it’s always super cool and fun. Plus more time and effort. Oh well. That’s how I see it. I know I’ll be spreading love. I’m going to keep my head up. You do the same. I get to start serving at Miller’s tomorrow. Hopefully, if they think I am confident enough. I finished everything early. I don’t get it. Oh well. I had another server even say they were being weird lol. I guess a special case? I don’t know. They say I know what I’m doing it’s just the menu knowledge. Oh okay. It’s okay though. I’m glad I get the opportunity to work for them. I feel like this one might just be the right one. I love the energy and the vibes. Everyone’s so helpful. Sometimes some select few get upset. It’s alright though in the end. Everything gets done. Everyone does their part. I know that they want an efficient team to serve and be their best. I love that. Plus they give us a chance to use a little bit of our personalities and that alone stands far from other restaurants. 

Still pushing.

     It’s December 8th, 2021, and today there is no motivation, if you would have asked yesterday it would have been a different answer. I was super excited to start serving but I guess the confidence wasn’t there. It is what it is. I’m happy that I get the chance to get better. I needed to relax yesterday and stop stressing so I can mentally prepare better. I have been keeping up with my room and my chores more so better lately too. I’m proud of that. One thing at a time. I’m about to start saving for the ticket and then next the car and then next I’m ready for my own place. Oh well. 

    Today has been a drag, to say the least. I work tonight and I want to call off. I feel like I’m not where I need to be in life and I feel so set back. Honestly. I’m getting through and getting by though. One day at a time. I got to keep going. Keep smiling. I need to keep thinking better and telling my bad thoughts to go away. Go very far away. 

Men's Mental Health

    Men's out there, this is for you. I have been trying to find a way for you to get help for the things you hide. I hate that men's mental health is a joke. It sickens me. I want to change that. I want you to feel comfortable expressing how you feel. It’s not fair women can be emotionally vulnerable but you can’t. So let’s make it fair. Everyone on my blog is anonymous, it’s a super safe space for you and anyone else who reads it. I’m thinking about making a page for you to be able to post your situations. Have everyone else chime in if they feel you or have advice. I want to change the way people view you. Help us understand in a way we can make it better. 

    Your mental health matters. You matter. We wouldn’t have a world of beings without you. So if you have any suggestions on what I could do better to help in any way please send it my way. DM me if you need to. I’m responding to whoever can help me help you. Let’s be the change 🤞🏼

Don't over exert yourself. Pace.

 December 1st, 2021

Today is going to be a better one! I’m at Miller’s right now relaxing, doing more computer training. My new phone should be coming in today! I’m excited! I’m hoping I’ll have time to go into the Old Navy and look for shorts. Maybe find a cute apron, or find things to make one. There’s a Hobby Lobby in the same shopping center so I guess that works. If not I can always order one online. That reminds me, I need to ask my boss if some of the styles are okay to wear. I found some super cute ones but I don’t want to buy them and not be able to wear them. That would be a vibe killer. 

OMG! You guys won’t guess but my silly ass thought I had to close today at Domino’s but I do not! YAY! My ass raced to get there thinking I was late. NOPE! I wasn’t even scheduled. I stayed for about an hour before I noticed. Everyone was happy to see me but I’m sorry. I’m not shackled today. If I’m not on the schedule, I ain't going in, simple as that. Turns out I got a nice break for the rest of the day. Today was needed.

Get it done.

 November 30th, 2021

This morning I swear I was fine. I worked at Miller’s and it was super chill. All I had to do was watch the videos and answer the questions. Easy and simple. The break was much needed. Everyone was super sweet. Super helpful and I found out today I can have nails! I am so freaking happy about that. I can get shorts from the Old Navy that I can work in. We get three pops of color, really the more the merrier. I LOVE my tall, funky socks. So I can show them wearing shorts. Grab some new shoelaces and a new cute apron. Maybe some cute hairpieces too. The dress code isn’t too strict. Plus, the shirt, shoes, and shorts are all black so y’all already know I am stoked about it.

I’m thinking maybe Lilo and Stitch or maybe something tie-dye, maybe even a galaxy print. I’m not sure. I’ll figure it out. Other than that, after I left Millers, I get to close down the Dominos. *unenthused yay* Not. I’m so over this shit show run by children. It’s unreal. They hire so many people with promises to fulfill with no intentions to do anything for them. It’s sad, almost sickening. I get it, you need workers, but not properly communicating or training anyone and expecting the best makes no sense to me. It is what it is though right? It’s only 7PM and I am ready to close it up now. It’s slow anyways. Not like these kids have bills to pay. It is whattt it issssss. Maybe one day soon things will start changing around there. Then they can finally send people where they need to go to appropriately help their stores. Working on making the change myself.

It takes time.

 Happy Monday! Lol it’s November 30th, 2021. I was supposed to work at Miller’s this morning but I had to fill out paperwork from them to actually start showing up on the schedule. Well this process is done online. I never got the email. So I called this morning and they told me to wait thirty minutes and call back because he was in the middle of another interview. So many new people that’s unreal. I saw one girl hired, and 5 others at orientation. Oh well, they do have a strict policy over there. I don’t mind it. I can comply with that. It’s just I don’t want to mess this up. I really want this job. I’ve been wanting to get in for two years. I thought they didn’t like me and thought they were playing with me. 

So, I called back, 24ish minutes later because, for one, how can it take that long? Two, I’ve done enough in my life to know they don’t need to be long. It is what it is though. So when they answered this time it was Shawn. I told him I still never received an email and they told me it was a system error. They wanted me to come in and do it all manually. That made things a lot better. The team seems nice, a lot are new. The dress code is pretty cool too. I can’t wait to actually start serving. 

I got home kind of later than expected. I wanted to straighten things up and do some clothes. I was late to my other job because of it. It was honestly long overdue though. I only have one shirt for them and one washer and dryer with a million people who live here it seems. That and when am I actually here to wash them? I don’t get enough time sometimes. At least my clothes are all clean again. I need to put them up so I can properly dress myself lol. I almost left my book again last night so I could write and get it all out again. I was so mad at myself. They would know if they read it though that I am upset as mess. They told me I’d be getting a raise but they haven’t yet and this was three weeks ago. They ignore everything I say and ask them. It’s one hell of a drag working there sometimes.

My apology.

 Please don't be upset with me. Life has been beating me this year. It has been more than tough. Time is not my friend either. Let me tell you. I should have been more focused. I shouldn't have made you guys my vent to either. I've been slacking with you. I haven't been positive. I have not been doing the best with self care either. My content is going to go back to the inspiration that started it all. I haven't got much feedback. So, I have talked to a few people to see what better I can do for you. I got a couple ideas that really stuck with me. One was from my sister. She told me that October 11th, was the most inspirational. It had structure. It was a masterpiece. I'll start getting back into the groove. Please be patient with me. As you could probably tell, I have been a little depressed and unmotivated myself. I will turn it back around. Sometimes we all need help.

                                                                                 Sincerely yours, 

                                                                                              💓Lauren