Don't stress.

 Today is October 30, 2020. Honestly, guys, being at home this long is making me depressed and stressed more so than before. I thought I would be healed already and back to work making money not having to worry about next month's rent already. Yea the Airbnb is going well but the two rooms I am renting out aren’t enough to pay the bills, just to help. And by all means, I am more than grateful for the guests. They have no idea how much they help me out. If it weren’t for them I wouldn’t have made rent. I want to work again and feel some type of normal. I can’t stress it enough. It really sucks to have to go through this process alone. To have all these things that need to be done but physically not being able to accomplish the little things is hard on the mental. You just see everything that needs to be done but hurt when you try to do them. Then on top of it, I get upset thinking about the other person who helped me make this little bean that didn’t make it, and how he isn’t affected by this whole thing. It’s not fair. When he was here I asked him to help me with a few small tasks and he couldn’t even do that. Granted it's the small things. He would tell me I could do it on my own and that used to make me sad. It hurts mentally that I know he thinks that this isn't that serious and I could go back to work and this, that, and the other. That I can just get over it because it’s gone now. He doesn’t understand the mental and physical changes I went through in that short time. He doesn’t understand the bond I had created within my body with this little bean. There was a little human growing inside my body, taking everything I did. I just got to keep going. I got this.