Today is the day of my appointment to figure out what's wrong, well we still don't know but we do know that 5% is 0% now… Not any more good news from the doctor. Breaks my heart all over again. They told me it was smaller than last time and still no heartbeat. The “hemorrhage” has begun and now I am waiting on it to fall. I'm not the most excited about it. I am actually not excited at all. I have to take this medication to induce this procedure to make sure everything works its way out. The only way I agreed to this was because I didn't want further complications with the next potential little bean. I still want everything to be perfect. I know that this miscarriage was not my fault. There is something underlying he's got to figure out so I can have a full-term pregnancy.  I've got to have a checkup in another week to make sure everything's okay and more bloodwork. Yay! ;( (not really)! I have to miss a bunch of work. This isn’t fair. I wish I couldn’t have wasted this much time on something that was never meant to be. In hindsight, though I am able to save and focus on myself once this is over. I have to keep going. 

I am most definitely broken inside. I am not okay. I wish I could just run away. Get away from everywhere. It’s like I can't escape this hell. I am about to cough my ass off smoking and I am going to forget about this. 

Honestly, with the pain we feel, it is never okay to numb ourselves with anything though. We have to keep looking up! Sometimes we all have our ups and downs!