This is just sad, nuts even.

  Today is October 14th, 2020 and I saw my little bean pass and I have not been okay since. In a sense numb to feel. I guess I’ll be okay. Alec has been here with me while he doesn't have to work. Been making myself a hot water bottle since the store is closed and can’t get a heating pad. Cuddling me and cleaning everything up for me, cooking dinner. He says he wants to get me pregnant again as soon as possible if I would let him. Sounds crazy right? I just need to heal from my current loss now and cope. As soon as these tests that I will have to do soon to help figure out why I am miscarrying before I want to start this painful process again.

I will be okay. God will not lead me astray.

I honestly thought that my two serving jobs were going to kill me having to take a week off to deal with things. Instead, I took my doctor's note and my ultrasound pictures of my 6-week old little bean and explained that I had recently found out I was pregnant but the baby has no heartbeat. The newly growing fetus wasn’t growing anymore and was shrinking drastically. They understood. Waffle House I knew probably wasn’t going to be a big deal because I have worked there almost a year, but Applebees on the other hand had no idea I had conceived, and I figured they were going to fire me because I was a new hire. My manager David at Applebees told me when I brought the note in, that I was covered and I had nothing to worry about because I was such a hard worker and that I proved myself of the job. Helping out where it is needed and working as a team player. He admired my work ethic and loves that I was hired to join their team. You know hearing that from an employer literally made me cry. Makes my day knowing that my job loves me and feels relieved when I come in. I have actually had a few coworkers tell me the same, “OMG I’m so glad you're here!” from Megan one of my first days on the job, and I’ve had one of the other servers Lauryn give me this metal L with bulb lights for my bedroom!  One of my other coworkers gave me some minty gum for my shifts, I think she might have heard I was pregnant, and she would only share her snacks with me and always gave me the most. Makes me feel appreciated. 

At work though, I do love to team play. I love seeing my fellow servers happy and getting their work done and everyone making their money. Makes the shift go by so much faster. I can’t wait till I learn this new menu so that I can make the most money and work myself into finer dining if I wanted to. Selling wine by the bottle. I tried getting into the hookah lounges for more of a bartending type deal as well as serving. I would love to get into that and make a bunch of money but the one I got hired onto wanted me to sell my body and there is no need to do that to make money. I literally wa
lked right back out the door. That is not what I interviewed or signed up for. They told me I would get free bartending school, not to take my shirt off. I learned quickly right then and there that that wouldn’t be the right industry for me. I haven’t looked back since.   

In the midst of all of that though, since I do have the extra room now, I decided to post my extra rooms on Airbnb. So far that has been alright! I do not mind it at all. The people are always super sweet, clean, and friendly! In my new home, I believe it was last night or the night before last we had our first guests! They were a young, fun couple. They checked in later that night and when they got here, they were all dressed up looking for some bars to get into! Man if I wasn’t in all this pain I would have asked to join them! I have definitely been needing some vacation time! Been working so much it is unreal. I do know that within the past few days of being posted on the Airbnb app, we have had 6 bookings! I am so happy! So far for the month of October, I have made $126! It has only been a few days! That is awesome to me! I did say Alec has been helping with everything lately so he made a few listings for the other bedroom on craigslist, as well and we have had all good responses on there as well. Three or four people so far have inquired about staying long-term in the bedroom! I am so thankful for that! We have someone coming to look at it tomorrow for $700 a month.  Did I mention I was excited?!